


Jinnie's Journey to joy

by Satellite_Of_Love



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Everyone's in love with Hyunjin, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Just like IRL, M/M, Magical Realism, Mystery, Otome Game, The bad guy read too much Parson, Theories about being inserted in a simulation, Too much philosophy, dating game
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:22:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27414940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satellite_Of_Love/pseuds/Satellite_Of_Love
Summary: ‘’Jinnie’s Journey to Joy’’ is a dating game that promises to make you live the realest experience of young love, a cozy adventure that will immerse you in a unique world with one-of-a-kind characters.[Update] The team has been informed about the irregularities going on with the game, please be patient as we try to fix the coding.I don't want to go there, I don't want to choose that. Can't you save me?[Update] The problems regarding the glitches in the game have been solved. Hyunjin should be following your directions once again. We apologize for the inconveniences.orWhat happens when the characters of an interactive game start gaining consciousness and donesn't want to follow your orders anymore?
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Everyone, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29
Collections: STRAY KIDS MV FICFEST





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Important note: This is an interactive fic. You shouldn't read it in chapter order but rather by clicking on the choices you make. (lmk in the comments if there's anything going wrong with it). The chapters are also named besides each choice, so in case you can't go through the link, you can manually go to the chapkter aligned with your choice.
> 
>  **Read this only if you don't care about some spoilers** : Word count might be misleading since a lot of routes end on the same place (there is, after all, only one ending) you can have fun in the way, however!
> 
> This work is part of the [Mv Fest](https://twitter.com/skzmvfest) event. Please go check the other amazing works out!
> 
> The promt for this Story was the video Astronaut, go stream it [here!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnpEBYvgiAU)

Amidst the chaos that the last year of High School carries, Hyunjin has been filling test after test, essay after essay, application form after application form. From the most complicated triple integrals and tricky English questions that not even natives can properly answer to subjective questions to which there is no way of knowing what the correct answer is. Hyunjin has been asked questions so irrelevant that he will never remember them again, things that have no other purpose than filling bureaucratic steps.

In the mess of studying for this and that, from making things up about his personality and trying to impress teachers and parents and just...so many people. In the middle of having to face himself and pretend he has the answers for the introspective questions that he has never asked himself before, Hyunjin has found one thing that clarified his panorama.

_Describe yourself in one word:_

Hyunjin doesn’t need his pencil; he can write this with ink and be sure that he won’t want to change the answer.

_Lucky._

Laugh on the rooftops, Seoul in autumn. Through his eyes, the play of lights and life and swirling happiness reflects a future that he can't wait to experience. A bunch of friends to support him while the stress holds him and makes him think that his life will forever stay this way. An amazing group of friends to celebrate with Hyunjin once the stress, like it happens with everything, goes away.

Felix, the mysterious outcast that causes a hunger, an ache inside of everyone that meets him and makes them long for his attention. Chan, the cool hyung that seems to know everything and can always lend a helping hand. Minho, the _tsundere_ hyung that works harder than anyone he has ever met and will go to hell and back to make you happy as long as you pretend he didn’t. 

There’s Jisung, someone new, even newer than Felix, a guy that hasn’t been fully accepted in the group yet, but still has a charm that attracts people to his side. Seungmin, the popular, smart, sporty boy that for some reason has decided that they are worthy of their time. Jeongin-ah, the bratty yet bright-eyed boy that follows Hyunjin as if he held all of the answers to life.

And then there’s Changbin hyung. Why is he thinking of him last? Well, perhaps because Changbin’s sappiness and eternal search for love is what has gotten Hyunjin wondering. _What if?_

Hyunjin’s lucky. Look at the amazing group of friends he has, gathered together to celebrate the end of the CSTAs season that he and his same-age friends have been going through. These friends…have they got the potential to become something more?

Instead of spring, it has been the mild cold and dampness of November what has made something inside of Hyunjin bloom. He sees all of them, every single one of them and wonders if it is possible for him to see them under a different light.

The barely visible stars under Seoul’s contaminated sky, a rooftop void of any soul unlinked to Hyunjin. His stomach turning, fluttering and expelling emotional hormones to the rest of his body. Seven handsome faces of the most amazing people he has ever met standing in front of him.

It might be the time of year. It might be about everyone else going out on parties and getting boyfriends and girlfriends and experiencing love for the first time.

_Love._

_Yes,_ Hyunjin thinks, _it is possible for me to see them under a different light. It is possible for me to fall in love with them, to hold them and fulfill this need that has nested on my chest and is refusing to leave._

The question is... _Which one of them?_

Hyunjin’s agitated and lovesick thoughts are cut short by Minho's intervention.

‘’I am going to get some soju to celebrate...and of course, some cheungju for Felix,’’ He says, thoughtful as always no matter how hard he tries to deny it.

Minho has some sort of soft spot for both Felix and Jisung. Hyunjin wonders what it would feel for his hyung to be a little bit less teasing with himself and treat him with the kindness he treats the other two. 

‘’Will I be getting some as well?’’ Jeongin asks, surprised but willing to pretend that this is natural to him. The lights that have been hung around- a replacement for the lack of actual starts out there- shine on both his hair and eyes. Standing straight on the old sofa as he is makes him look almost comical, like some sort of anime character.

‘’Banana milk is what you will be getting,’’ Changbin laughs, pinching Jeongin’s cheek as the latter fights back and tries to get him off him. ‘’You are too cute, we wouldn’t want you to corrupt you or something.’’

Battling his way out of Changbin’s loving claws, Jeongin looks even more like a cartoon written for some sort of romantic comedy. ‘’Whatever, hyung. I’d rather not get drunk around a pervert like you,’’ he spits out.

‘’You brat!’’ Chanbing yells, visibly red even in the middle of the night. He will later say that it was the cold that got him flushed, but Hyunjin knows him better and has spent enough time with him to not be fooled.

‘’What are you talking about, Jeongin?’’ Hyunjin asks, amused. Whatever it is that has gotten Jeongin calling his hyung a pervert must have a fun story behind it.

Jeongin’s long eyes narrow as a malicious smile spreads all across his face. His look is directed towards Changbin, who has suddenly stopped trying to inconvenience Jeongin and is now looking intensely at him, begging for something with his eyes that Hyunjin is incapable of understanding.

‘’Oh,’’ Jeongin smiles even more now, amused as he turns his look towards Hyunjin, ‘’you really don’t know, hyung, do you?’’

‘’Okay, Jeongin is coming with us,’’ Changbin declares, forcing him out of the sofa and carrying him to the stairways where Minho is already impatiently waiting, his foot tapping on the floor and his face saying that there are more important things for him to do.

‘’But Hyunjin hyung should know,’’ Jeongin sing-songs, letting himself be dragged as he keeps on smiling to Hyunjin’s direction.

‘’I should know what?’’

‘’No one cares!’’ Seungmin interferes, getting up as well and going to the backdoor leading to the stairs. ‘’I will go with you, I need to buy some film for my camera.’’

‘’Awwnn, puppy used all of his film taking pictures of Hyunjinnie?’’ Minho teases him. In response, he receives a tired look; Seungmin doesn’t even deem him worthy of an answer.

‘’Can we go now?’’ Seungmin asks, grabbing his bag. ‘’It’s getting late and whatever attempt at party this is, it is getting really lame.’’

‘’But I want to tell hyung!’’ Jeongin whines.

‘’I will buy you alcohol as well, okay?’’ Changbin whispers. Too bad for him that his voice is not really quiet and Hyunjin can still hear him.

There’s something exciting revolting in Hyunjin’s stomach. As his friends leave to go to the convenience store, he wonders if he has been overlooking things up until now. 

Was Minho tone actually sour when he talked about Seungmin taking picture after picture of Hyunjin? And thinking about that, Seungmin does take a copious amount of pictures of Hyunjin. He says that Hyunjin is a natural model, but why does he get shy at the mention of him being practically Hyunjin’s personal photographer? What is it that Jeongin wants to tell Hyunjin that Changbin is reluctant to let out?

Right now, all of them have left and Jisung has yet to arrive. The fluttering in Hyunjin’s stomach doesn’t lessen, in any case it even increases.

Hyunjin has been left with Chan and Felix. Excitement fills him from head to toes at the idea of being left to talk with two of the most interesting people he has ever met. He is ready for love, and more than that, he is ready to find out which one of his friends is worthy of it.

What will come out under this new light? What will result from giving himself entirely to the hands of Eros and whatever fate has written out for him?

Will he go to talk to Felix, the handsome foreigner that Hyunjin has never been capable of fully understanding, who was once sweet and full of love, but has turned taciturn and alluring with time?

[If so, go to Chapter 2](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27414940/chapters/67009162#workskin)

Or will he go and talk with Chan, his trustworthy hyung that always takes care of him and knows exactly what to say when Hyunjin needs it the most?

[If so, go to Chapter 3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27414940/chapters/67009177)


	2. Chapter 2

There’s something fascinating in Felix.

This je ne sais quoi grabs Hyunjin with a force greater than gravity, with a thrust more inviting than the song of the sirens. It tangles him in an invisible pull and drives him into the vacant place next to him on the carousel. 

Felix sits alone in an artefact made for movement and movement alone, its ability to turn around being the only attractive feature it possesses. The carousel, nevertheless, is still. It isn’t fulfilling his purpose. 

As Felix stands alone, with his hands on the cold bars of faded colors, staring at the black sky as if there wasn’t anything other than that worthy of his attention, Hyunjin notices that the empty space besides him seems made for him to sit there. The seat is waiting for him to be the presence that completes the expected image. There’s a rush inside of him, something accelerating the palpitations of his heart as he moves closer to Felix.

Perhaps it is the quietness of the boy that turns him into a mystery, transforming his thoughts into a thing to discover, into a locked and forbidden world that our protagonist hopes to, if not solve, at least get a glimpse of. He can’t help but wonder what is hiding under the surface of this beautiful person that has been blessed with the kiss of the sun, a present that manifests itself in the both circular and irregular shapes that bloom and spread in his skin like the linking points of a complex theory.

There should be a rusty sound. The particular shriek that comes when metal touches metal, when the oxide screws of an old game are put to use after years of stagnation, but there is none. The carousel isn’t fulfilling his purpose. 

The weight of Hyunjin hopping into it is what brings life to the carousel once again. At the same time, the shriek of metal is what pulls Felix back into this realm, making him aware of the presence standing next to him and eliciting a small smile out of him. The smile is shy and versatile enough to keep Hyunjin from reading it as he would’ve liked. It hides Felix’s internal world and functions like a representation of what he is as a whole.

In the middle of a chilling night, Hyunjin’s wearing a green sweater that highlights the modesty of the earthy colors Felix is using. In the past, Felix was known to wear attires that become too much at times, but lately his whole wardrobe seems to have toned down its flamboyancy. Has this been a mere fashion choice, or is it a representative of a more mature boy, with different interests and new uncertainties to explore? Hyunjin really wishes to know.

‘’How are you feeling?’’ It's the first thing that comes to Hyunjin’s mind when thinking about something to ask. It makes him feel silly, he doesn’t think he will get an answer fulfilling enough for his curiosity. It is also the thing he wants to know more.

To his surprise, the answer gives away a lot more than what he had expected.

‘’I’m not feeling the best if I have to be honest.’’ With his small smile still present in his face, Felix looks at Hyunjin directly in the eyes. After a moment the smile grows bigger, he is not showing his teeth. In a way this makes his whole features look brighter, even younger as his eyes are engulfed by his reddening cheeks- an event that can be explained by the temperature of November’s breeze or perhaps by the same embarrassment Changbin had been feeling before. ‘’but seeing that you came to talk to me makes me feel a lot better. I’m not sure why.’’

When entering this conversation, Hyunjin hadn’t expected to be met with honesty. Even though he himself had decided to ask what he truly wanted to ask, he didn’t think that his reserved friend’s answer would make his heart flutter this way. 

Hyunjin has made Felix feel better with his mere presence.

‘’Did the CSAT leave you all drained?’’ He asks because, once again, he is not too sure about what to ask. 

No, it is not as easy as that. Felix has said that he is not feeling okay, what is he supposed to do with this knowledge? Is he supposed to push further and make him reveal the cause of his discomfort? Is he supposed to let it go and not put too much thought in it?

Hyunjin’s question seems to not have been the right path to follow, not because he has offended or made Felix uncomfortable. It is the look he receives back what tells him that there is something he doesn’t understand. Or maybe that it is Felix the one that doesn’t understand. 

If any outsider were to judge this situation, they would analyze the frown in his friend’s face and his overall look of utter confusion, and probably conclude that Hyunjin has spoken to Felix in a language that is completely foreign to him. This would’ve been a correct answer three years ago, when Felix had just moved to Korea and the language barrier was still a problem. At this time, Hyunjin is sure that the problem is not that. Felix has understood the words pronounced by him, he knows the meaning of them. It is most likely the situation what made them confusing.

Just as Hyunjin is licking his lips, ready to clarify the meaning of what he said, Felix seems to get himself grounded on the situation, answering with a universally recognizable tone.

‘’Oh, the exams? No, no, I don’t care about those at all,’’ he laughs, breaking the eye contact with Hyunjin to put one foot on the floor and push the carrousel back into movement, ‘’I didn’t even take them,’’ He states as the lights and images of their surroundings melt in the blur that the spinning produces. Lights turn into lines and the moon loses his circular shape as they turn around.

‘’You didn’t take them? Why?’’ Trying to not sound too preoccupied, but still wanting to know his reasons, Hyunjin uses a light tone, not wanting Felix to feel judged. Inside of him, he can’t help but judge him. Why wouldn’t he take the CSAT?

‘’Why would I?’’

It’s the simplicity of the question what makes it so complex.

‘’When you say it like that you make it sound so simple. I have a million reasons to take them, but I guess that your question is one I make myself sometimes as well.’’

They both laugh as the carousel keeps on moving. Everything feels light somehow. Their eyes blink, taking in the relief that has taken over them. For a brief moment, suspended in time, there are no worries in Hyunjin’s mind.

Once the carrousel slows down its speed, Felix makes use of his foot once again, this time to stop it completely. In the angle they are facing nothing interferes in the view. In front of them there’s a modest spectacle, as layers of lights come to draw one common but still beautiful picture. The ones coming from their own building, the one coming from the moon, and the others coming from the neighboring buildings. Layer after layer they construct the scenography surrounding them.

With certain laziness in his movements, Felix raises his arm and points forward.

‘’Do you see that?’’ He asks, more serious this time. Hyunjin follows the path that his index finger points at. At the end of his digit there’s nothing to be found, only the dark void that surrounds them once every layer of light is left behind. The nothingness.

‘’Do you mean the horizon?’’ Squinting, Hyunjin tries to find what it is that has gotten Felix so interested.

‘’Yeah, the horizon. How do you know that there’s something else beyond the horizon?’’ He clarifies, squinting as well and trying to see beyond.

As much as Hyunjin finds this quirkiness endearing, he’s starting to wonder if he’ll ever have the opportunity to hold a conversation with Felix that doesn’t end up being so hard to follow. It really is a wonder why the boy decided to not take his CSAT when he could’ve reached very impressive scores in some areas. 

‘’What kind of question is that?’’ Leaving his fear to be left looking like a fool, Hyunjin decides that he needs to know. He doesn’t want to leave this as one of Felix’s mysterious talks, he wants to understand the meaning of what he is saying, to share this and make sense of it.

‘’A valid one,’’ he answers, acting quick and, for Hyunjin’s luck, wanting to press on the subject. He’s been known to leave these kinds of conversations in the middle, not wanting to work on explaining what he means. Right now he seems decided. ‘’There’s a limit to what you see, isn’t it? There’s a point where your view ends, where you can’t see anything anymore. How can you tell for sure that there is something beyond that? ’’

‘’Well, that’s simple: I’ll just move. As I walk towards the horizon, I will be met with new scenery, therefore proving that there are things existing beyond what I can see now.’’

‘’How can you be sure that the limits of this world aren’t set according to the point you are standing in? Perhaps it is your vision what allows something to be real. Perhaps every time you leave a place, the place ceases to exist until you come back to it.’’

Pondering on this idea, Hyunjin is capable of finding an answer.

‘’In that case I can ask you to go over there and tell me if there is something beyond what I can see. If you come back and tell me that you have seen a world beyond I will know that it isn’t just about my vision, that at least you and I share this world.’’

There’s certain heaviness in the way in which Felix blinks, an uncharacteristic serious look that makes Hyunjin’s stomach turn. It is incorrect to call it uncharacteristic, after all Felix has turned into a much more serious person lately. This is precisely what attracts Hyunjin towards him so much, but it is also what it’s making him so nervous right now.

‘’How do you know that I wasn’t created to give you the answer that you want?’’ He asks, dry as he doesn’t let Hyunjin’s eyes go.

The answer is obvious, isn’t it? _You are you, how can you be created by someone else? How can someone else coerce you into saying something you don’t want to say?_ But Felix is looking at him with such intensity that he can’t bring himself to open his mouth and answer. It’s the simplicity of the answer, once again, what makes it so complex. It is so incredibly obvious that it stops being obvious.

Felix is still looking at him, he seems afraid and expectant. He wants an answer that Hyunjin doesn’t have.

A question has been put inside of Hyunjin, a question he had never made to himself before. A question that has come to change his paradigm forever. This is nothing compared to knowing you are _lucky_ , this is...

That’s when Chan comes to cut the tension and bring Hyunjin back to the real world.

‘’Hey, what are you talking about?’’ He asks with an animated tone.

_About nothing. What Felix has said is nonsense. There has to be a way to be sure. He will google it later, there must be a million ways, scientific method and…_

Felix hops off the carousel without looking at Chan twice. His fragrance is left behind to linger in his absence.

‘’Don’t mind him,’’ Chan says, laughing and trying to make the atmosphere more friendly. Chan has always had a special ability to read social cues and know what’s going on, a feature that Hyunjin admires, ‘’he’s been, um, thinking a lot lately. Don’t let him get your mood down.’’

The bars on the carousel are cold enough to make his hands hurt. Hyunjin decides to release them and follow Chan to where he is standing 

‘’Did you know that he didn’t take his CSAT?’’ Hyunjin asks as he watches Felix go and sit on one of the ragged couches. ‘’Everyone else took them. Well, everyone but Jeongin, but still he will do it next year. Why would Felix decide not to take them?’’

It feels odd, more than odd. It is as if things weren’t supposed to go this way.

Intuition. Intuition is the interpretation one gives to a specific context, it has to with the past experiences and what one has already lived. You give a certain meaning to a situation, see how others have reacted to it and make some sense out of it. Intuition is telling him that...

‘’Well, some people decide to do that. There’s nothing you can do,’’ Chan shrugs, cutting his line of thoughts, making him come back once again.

It feels as if a bucket of water had been thrown over him. As if an electric shock had gone up and down his spine, hitting his brain and rearranging his thoughts.

Whatever it was he was thinking about, it is no longer important. Chan seems to be informed about Felix’s situation.

‘’Don’t you think it is a bit unfair?’’ Hyunjin asks, going over until he reaches the edge of the terrace. He knows that Chan will be able to hear him from there, he needs the cold wind to brush away the burning worries,’’ Why is it so important to take one exam? Why does your future change so much according to the results of a test?’’

Chan is an interesting person, mature and clever. He is the kind of person that will always stay by your side and give you a piece of advice when… Hyunjin has said this already. After the conversation he held with Felix, earth-shaking and almost disturbing, he needs Chan’s words the most.

‘’That's how the world works, Jinnie, we just have to accept it,’’ His voice in the middle of a condescending and almost authoritative tone. It surprises Hyunjin, ‘’ It is all based on consensus and merit. We, as a whole, decide that the members of our society with the most merit get to go higher in life, and those who don’t…well, they can still live a good life,’’ Chan smiles but it is short of the comfort it pretends to give, ‘’Wouldn’t it be unfair if people that works the hardest didn’t get to live better than those who don’t?’’

‘’Are you trying to say that Felix doesn’t deserve a good life?’’

Chan blinks twice and opens his mouth, he is once again trying to appear approachable, but if Hyunjin pays enough attention he can notice that he looks personally offended. It’s the same look Hyunjin’s mother gives him when he is not appreciating her hard work as much as he should.

‘’No, that’s not at all what I’m trying to say,’’ he laughs, scratching his hair with one hand and shaking the other one, denying Hyunjin’s accusation, ‘’Felix is a brilliant person and he will achieve anything as long as he…tries, I guess.’’

‘’It sounded like…’’

‘’You have no idea how much I tried to convince him,’’ Chan cuts him once again, ‘’but...he’ll probably take them next year anyway. I don’t know. I guess he’s going through a phase. Just...just don’t let him ruin this day for you.’’

‘’He didn’t ruin it at all,’’ Hyunjin whispers, sad at the picture that Chan is portraying.

‘’That’s good. You got really good results, Hyunjin. You’ll be able to escalate in life. What is it that you want to do?’’ 

Chan seems to have come back to being this...this character he is. This thing he represents.

‘’I want to become a literature professor,’’ Hyunjin states, wanting to end this conversation.

A voice inside him asks _but why, why would you do it?_

‘’Can I tell you something, Hyunjin? Something that might not sound nice, but…’’

‘’Yeah, sure hyung,’’ he accepts, tired.

‘’I believe that some inequalities are expected, even good,’’ before Hyunjin can try and give his opinion on the matter, Chan cuts him and keeps on talking,’’ I don’t mean what you think I mean. Would living in a perfect, equal world be great? Sure! But that’s not possible, we have a limited amount of resources and it is only fair to give them to the most qualified people.’’

‘’You didn’t strike me as such a conservative guy, hyung.’’

‘’I swear I am not! It’s just that…don’t mind it, maybe you’ll understand it later. I guess I’m just worried about...Hey, look! Minho and the boys are back!’’

As he watches Chan jogging away, Hyunjin’s attention is caught by a mysterious object that seems to have appeared out of nowhere. Lying beside his feet, a glowing orb that looks like a beating heart made out of light. Hyunjin decides to take it and put it in his pocket.

It is a good night, full of drinks and celebration, but Hyunjin realizes that he is incapable of concentrating on this as much as he should. Even with Seungmin taking photos of all of them and teaching Hyunjin to use the camera. Even with Minho putting his hand on Hyunjin’s knee and flirting under the effects of several Soju shots. Even with Jeongin getting drunk and everyone trying to control him -especially Changbin who is still putting all of his efforts on trying to keep Jeongin from spilling his secret. Even when Jisung arrives with his attention-seeking personality and weird theories about the world. Even with the shared look that Felix and Hyunjin experience, one far too long to be comfortable and yet the sweetest and most intimate thing he can think of.

Even with all of that, Chan’s looks and words are off. Hyunjin doesn’t feel as good as he should.

At the end of it, MInho approaches him. 

‘’Do you want to come with me tomorrow? There’s some really good jjajangmyeon and I have coupons and things?’’ He offers, looking at his nails as if he didn’t care at all about what Hyunjin has to say.

‘’Wait,’’ Seungmin interferes. ‘’Hyunjin had already told me that we were going to have a photoshoot in the park. You know, with the falling leaves and everything.’’

‘’My coupons are good for tomorrow only. Can’t you reschedule?’’ Minho asks, looking annoyed at Seungmin. He’s probably even more annoyed at having to show interest in this.

‘’Tomorrow the weather will be perfect for the photos I want,’’ Seungmin presses, not wanting to give up.

They both look at Hyunjin and ask at the same time ‘’what do you choose?’’

Will Hyunjin go to have some jjajangmyeon and a laugh with flirty Minho?

If so, go to [Chapter 4](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27414940/chapters/67963156)

Or will he go and act as popular Seungmin’s personal model?

If so, go to [Chapter 5](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27414940/chapters/68391844)

(Is this what his life has become? Does he really need to choose?

He is not too sure about needing to find love anymore.)


	3. Chapter 3

Deciding to go and have a chat with his cool hyung, Hyunjin still can’t help but notice that Felix looks weird, sitting on the carousel and exuding loneliness as he stares to the sky. Felix used to be sunshine. He shouldn’t be looking so down.

‘’Don’t mind him,’’ Chan says, laughing and trying to make the atmosphere more friendly. Chan has always had a special ability to read social cues and know what’s going on, a feature that Hyunjin admires, ‘’he’s been, um, thinking a lot lately. Don’t let him get your mood down.’’

It’s not that Felix is bringing Hyunjin’s mood down. Or at least it isn’t the only thing. His posture, his look, the way people are acting around him. Things are starting to feel odd, Hyunjin just can’t pinpoint what it is that feels so out of place.

‘’Did you know that he didn’t take his CSAT?’’ Chan asks as he watches Felix go back to the rest of the group. ‘’Everyone else took them. Well, everyone but Jeongin, but still he will do it next year. But Felix decided not to take them’’

It feels odd, more than odd. It is as if things weren’t supposed to go this way.

Intuition. Intuition is the interpretation one gives to a specific context, it has to with the past experiences and what one has already lived. You give a certain meaning to a situation, see how others have reacted to it and make some sense out of it. Intuition is telling him that...

‘’Well, some people decide to do that. There’s nothing you can do,’’ Chan shrugs, answering to himself and cutting Hyunjin’s line of thoughts, making him come back to the real world. 

Whatever it was he was thinking about, it is no longer important. Chan seems to be informed about Felix’s situation.

‘’Don’t you think it is a bit unfair?’’ Hyunjin asks, going over until he reaches the edge of the terrace. He knows that Chan will be able to hear him from there, he needs the cold wind to brush away the burning worries, ’’Why is it so important to take one exam? Why does your future change so much according to the results of a test?’’

Chan is an interesting person, mature and clever. He is the kind of person that will always stay by your side and give you a piece of advice when… Hyunjin has said this already. He doesn’t know why, perhaps it has to do with the end of an era and the start of a new one, but Hyunjin desperately needs Chan’s words to put some sense into everything.

‘’That's how the world works, Jinnie, we just have to accept it,’’ His voice in the middle of a condescending and almost authoritative tone. It surprises Hyunjin, ‘’It is all based on consensus and merit. We, as a whole, decide that the members of our society with the most merit get to get higher in life, and those who don’t…well, they can still live a good life,’’ Chan smiles but it is short of the comfort it pretends to give, ‘’Wouldn’t it be unfair if people that works the hardest didn’t get to live better than those who don’t?’’

‘’Are you trying to say that Felix doesn’t deserve a good life?’’

Chan blinks twice and opens his mouth, he is once again trying to appear approachable, but if Hyunjin pays enough attention he can notice that he looks personally offended. It’s the look Hyunjin’s mother gives him when he is not appreciating her hard work as much as he should.

‘’No, that’s not at all what I’m trying to say,’’ he laughs, scratching his hair with one hand and shaking the other one, denying Hyunjin’s accusation, ‘’Felix is a brilliant person and he will achieve anything as long as he…tries, I guess.’’

‘’It sounded like…’’

‘’You have no idea how much I tried to convince him,’’ Chan cuts him once again, ‘’but, he’ll probably take them next year anyway. I don’t know. I guess he’s going through a phase. Just...just don’t let him ruin this day for you.’’

‘’He won’t ruin it at all,’’ Hyunjin whispers, sad at the picture that Chan is portraying.

‘’That’s good. You got really good results, Hyunjin. You’ll be able to escalate up in life. What is it that you want to do?’’ 

Chan seems to have come back to being this...this character he is.

‘’I want to become a literature professor,’’ Hyunjin states, wanting to end this conversation.

A moment of silence spreads between them.

‘’Can I tell you something, Hyunjin? Something that might not sound nice, but…’’

‘’Yeah, sure hyung,’’ he accepts quickly, tired and feeling that he should’ve chosen to go talk with Felix in the first place.

‘’I believe that some inequalities are expected, even good,’’ before Hyunjin can try and give his opinion on the matter, Chan cuts him and keeps on talking,’’ I don’t mean what you think I mean. Would living in a perfect, equal world be great? Sure! But that’s not possible, we have a limited amount of resources and it is only fair to give them to the most qualified people.’’

‘’You didn’t strike me as such a conservative guy, hyung.’’

‘’I swear I am not! It’s just that…don’t mind it, maybe you’ll understand it. I guess I’m just worried about...Hey, look! Minho just texted me, they need some help with something, I will come back in a minute,’’ He explains, looking worried as he glances at Felix's direction. He doesn’t seem too happy to leave the both of them alone. ‘’Just...just don’t let him get too much in your head, okay?

‘’I don’t know what you mean,’’ Hyunjin says slowly, dumbfounded and uncomfortable.

‘’Just...don’t worry about it too much,’’ Chan says before jogging to the stairs’ door and leaving behind a trail of wonder that Hyunjin wants to pursue.

His hyung normally knows better, and if he is telling him- however suspiciously he might be doing it- to stay away from Felix, maybe he should pay attention. But…

There’s something fascinating in Felix.

This je ne sais quoi grabs Hyunjin with a force greater than gravity, with a thrust more alluring than the song of the sirens. It tangles him in an invisible pull and drives him into the vacant place next to him on the carousel. 

Felix sits alone in an artefact made for movement and movement alone, its ability to turn around being the only attractive feature it possesses. The carousel, nevertheless, is still. It isn’t fulfilling his purpose. 

As Felix stands alone, with his hands on the cold bars of faded colors, staring at the black sky as if there wasn’t anything other than that that could be worthy of his attention, Hyunjin notices that the empty space besides him seems made for him to sit there. The seat is waiting for him to be the presence that completes the expected image. There’s a rush inside of him, something accelerating the palpitations of his heart as he moves closer to Felix.

Perhaps it is the quietness of the boy that turns him into a mystery, transforming his thoughts into a thing to discover, into a locked and forbidden world that our protagonist hopes to, if not solve, at least get a glimpse of. He can’t help but wonder what is hiding under the surface of this beautiful person that has been blessed with the kiss of the sun, a present that manifests itself in the both circular and irregular shapes that bloom and spread in his skin like the linking points of a complex theory.

There should be a rusty sound. The particular shriek that comes when metal touches metal, when the oxide screws of an old game are put to use after years of stagnation, but there is none. The carousel isn’t fulfilling his purpose. 

The weight of Hyunjin hopping into it is what brings life to the carousel once again. The shriek of metal is what pulls Felix back into this realm, making him aware of the presence standing next to him and eliciting a small smile out of him. The smile is shy and versatile enough to keep Hyunjin from reading it as he would’ve liked, it hides Felix’s internal world and functions like a representation of what he is as a whole.

In the middle of a chilling night, Hyunjin’s wearing a green sweater that highlights the modesty of the earthy colors Felix is using. In the past, Felix was known to wear attires that become too much at times, but lately his whole wardrobe seems to have toned down its flamboyancy. Has this been a mere fashion choice, or is it a representative of a more mature boy, with different interests and new uncertainties to explore? Hyunjin really wishes to know.

‘’How are you feeling?’’ It's the first thing that comes to Hyunjin’s mind when thinking about something to ask. It makes him feel silly, he doesn’t think he will get an answer fulfilling enough for his curiosity. It is also the thing he wants to know more.

To his surprise, the answer gives away a lot more than what he expected.

‘’I’m not feeling the best if I have to be honest.’’ With his small smile still present in his face, Felix looks at Hyunjin directly in the eyes. After a moment the smile grows bigger, he is not showing his teeth, and in a way this makes his whole features look brighter, even younger as his eyes are engulfed by his reddening cheeks- an event that can be explained by the temperature of November’s breeze. ‘’but seeing that you came to talk to me makes me feel a lot better, I’m not sure why.’’

When entering this conversation, Hyunjin hadn’t expected to be met with honesty. Even though he himself had decided to ask what he truly wanted to ask, he didn’t think that his reserved friend’s answer would make his heart flutter this way. 

Hyunjin has made Felix feel better with his mere presence. He might fuck his happiness with the next question he is planning to make.

‘’Is it true that you didn’t take the CSAT?’’

Hyunjin’s question seems to not have been the right path to follow, not because he has offended or made Felix uncomfortable. It is the look he receives back what tells him that there is something he doesn’t understand. Or maybe that it is Felix the one that doesn’t understand. 

If any outsider were to judge this situation, they would analyze the frown in his friend’s face and his overall look of utter confusion, and probably conclude that Hyunjin has spoken to Felix in a language that is completely foreign to him. This would’ve been a correct answer three years ago, when Felix had just moved to Korea and the language barrier was still a problem. At this time, Hyunjin is sure that the problem is not that. Felix has understood the words pronounced by him, he knows the meaning of them, it is most likely the situation what made them confusing.

Just as Hyunjin is licking his lips, ready to clarify the meaning of what he said, Felix seems to get himself grounded on the situation, answering with a universally recognizable tone.

‘’Oh, the exams? No, no, I don’t care about those at all,’’ he laughs, breaking eye contact with Hyunjin to put one foot on the floor and push the carousel back into movement. The lights and images of their friend's decoration melt in the blur that the spinning produces. Lights turn into lines and the moon loses his circular shape as they turn around.

‘’You didn’t take them? Why?’’ Trying to not sound too preoccupied, but still wanting to know his reasons, Hyunjin uses a light tone, not wanting Felix to feel judged. Inside of him, he can’t help but judge him. Why wouldn’t he take the CSAT?

‘’Why would I?’’

It’s the simplicity of the question what makes it so complex.

‘’When you say it like that you make it sound so simple. I have a million reasons to take them, but I guess that your question is one I make myself sometimes as well.’’

They both laugh as the carousel keeps on moving. Everything feels light somehow. Their eyes blink, taking in the relief that has taken over them. For a brief moment, suspended in time, there are no worries in Hyunjin’s mind.

Once the carousel slows his speed, Felix makes use of his foot once again, this time to stop it completely. In the angle they are now nothing interferes in the view. In front of them there’s a modest spectacle, as layers of lights come to draw one common but still beautiful picture. The ones coming from their own building, the one coming from the moon, and the others coming from the neighboring building. Layer after layer they construct the scenography surrounding them.

With certain laziness in his movements, Felix raises his arm and points forward.

‘’Do you see that?’’ He asks, more serious this time. Hyunjin follows the path that his index finger points at. At the end of his digit there’s nothing to be found, only the dark void that surrounds them once every layer of light is left behind. The nothingness.

‘’Do you mean the horizon?’ Squinting, Hyunjin tries to find what it is that has gotten Felix so interested.

‘’Yeah, the horizon. How do you know that there’s something else beyond the horizon?’’ He clarifies, squinting as well and trying to see beyond.

As much as Hyunjin finds this quirkiness endearing, he’s starting to wonder if he’ll ever have the opportunity to hold a conversation with Felix that doesn’t end up being so hard to follow. It really is a wonder why the boy decided to not take his CSAT when he could’ve reached very impressive scores in some areas. 

‘’What kind of question is that?’’ Leaving his fear to be left looking like a fool, Hyunjin decides that he needs to know. He doesn’t want to leave this as one of Felix’s mysterious talks, he wants to understand the meaning of what he is saying, to share this and make sense of it.

‘’A valid one,’’ he answers, acting quick and, for Hyunjin’s luck, wanting to press on the subject. He’s been known to leave these kinds of conversations in the middle, not wanting to work on explaining what he means. Right now he seems to have decided to take the time. ‘’There’s a limit to what you see, isn’t it? There’s a point where your view ends, where you can’t see anymore. How can you tell for sure that there is something beyond that? ’’

‘’Well, that’s simple: I’ll just move. As I walk towards the horizon, I will be met with new scenery, therefore proving that there are things existing beyond what I can see now.’’

‘’How can you be sure that the limits of this world aren’t set according to the point you are standing in? Perhaps it is your vision what allows something to be real. Perhaps every time you leave a place, the place ceases to exist until you come back to it.’’

Pondering on this idea, Hyunjin is capable of finding an answer.

‘’In that case I can ask you to go over there and tell me if there is something beyond what I can see. If you come back and tell me that you have seen a world beyond I will know that it isn’t just about my vision, that at least you and I share this world.’’

There’s certain heaviness in the way in which Felix blinks, an uncharacteristic serious look that makes Hyunjin’s stomach turn. It is incorrect to call it uncharacteristic, after all Felix has turned into a much more serious person latterly. This is precisely what attracts Hyunjin towards him so much, but it is also what it’s making him so nervous right now.

‘’How do you know that I wasn’t created to give you the answer that you want?’’ He asks while looking at him in the eyes.

The answer is obvious, isn’t it? _You are you, how can you be created by someone else? How can someone else coerce you into saying something you don’t want to say?_ But Felix is looking at him with such intensity that he can’t bring himself to open his mouth and answer. It’s the simplicity of the answer, once again, what makes it so complex. It is so incredibly obvious that it stops being obvious.

Felix is still looking at him, he seems afraid and expectant. He wants an answer that Hyunjin doesn’t have.

A question has been put inside of him, a question he had never made to himself before. A question that has come to change his paradigm forever. This is nothing compared to knowing you are _lucky_ , this is…

The boys come back. Felix goes away with them.

As he watches Felix slowly getting away, Hyunjin’s attention is caught by a mysterious object that seems to have appeared out of nowhere. Lying beside his feet, a glowing orb that looks like a beating heart made out of light. Hyunjin decides to take it and put it in his pocket.

  
  


It is a good night, full of drinks and celebration, but Hyunjin realizes that he is incapable of concentrating on this as much as he should. Even with Seungmin taking photos of all of them and teaching Hyunjin to use the camera. Even with Minho putting his hand on Hyunjin’s knee and flirting under the effects of several Soju shots. Even with Jeongin getting drunk and everyone trying to control him -especially Changbin who is still putting all of his efforts on trying to keep Jeongin from spilling his secret. Even when Jisung arrives with his attention-seeking personality and weird theories about the world. Even with the shared look that Felix and Hyunjin experience, one far too long to be comfortable and yet being the sweetest thing he can think of.

Even with all of that, Chan’s looks and words are off. Hyunjin doesn’t feel as good as he should.

The next day he wakes up with two different messages. One of them is from Changbin, begging Hyunjin to go with him for a day in the amusement park. The other one is from Jeongin, stating that he is not feeling well with the hang-over from last night.

What should Hyunjin do?

Should he go with his hyung to have a good day and maybe find out what it was that Jeongin didn’t want him to find out?

Or should he go and take care of poor Jeongin, who is in this state because of poorly executed adult supervision? 

(Is this what his life has become? Does he really need to choose?

He is not too sure about needing to find love anymore.)

[To be continued]


	4. Chapter 4

Minho has been acting differently around him. 

He’s now standing outside of Hyunjin’s house, legs eternally bouncing as if everything around him didn’t go as fast or as right as it should.

‘’Are you ready to grab a coffee or what?’’ Minho asks, playing with his pastel blue coat as he waits for Hyunjin to grab everything he needs to go out.

Hyunjin can help but giggle at the sudden insecurity in Minho’s voice and words. 

‘’Hyung, you said that we were going out for jjajangmyeon. Didn’t you say you had the coupons and everything?’’

‘’Yeah, yeah,’’ Minho quickly answers, a little smile pushing to appear in his face but not quite making his way through. ‘’If I’m the one paying then I’m the one that says where we are going.’’

‘’Sounds like you made the whole coupons thing up just to spend some time with me.’’ Hyunjin sing-songs.

This time, Minho doesn’t even deem him worthy of an answer, he just turns around on his heels and starts walking toward his car -his parents’ car, really-. Had they been part of a cartoon, there would be steam coming out of Minho’s ears.

‘’What’s wrong, hyung? You want to take your Jinnie to a date?’’ He teases him.

‘’Shut up, brat. Oh my god, I have no idea why I agreed to meet you,’’ Minho grunts even as he opens the door for Hyunjin to hop on the car.

‘’You were the one that asked me out!’’

‘’Change of plans. I’m going to drop you off at the woods and let you find your way back home.’’

Minho has been acting differently around him. It is not about the teasing, he has always been like this. It is more about the level of confidence in the delivery of his teasing.

There’s always been an excessive amount of eye contact with him. With globes capable of penetrating your soul, Minho has always held the habit of looking at Hyunjin in the eyes while saying things that can’t be counted as anything other than flirty. 

Like that one time when Minho asked Hyunjin to come over even though he was sick. _What are you so afraid of? I’m not going to make you sick unless you were planning on kissing me or something,_ Minho had argued. Hyunjin had been left stuttering for half a second after that.

At first, Hyunjin would wonder. With time he ended up learning that Minho just was that way. He was bold enough to flirt while looking at you, while touching your hand and still not meaning a single word of what he said. He is just that kind of person, right?

But lately...lately Minho has lost the ability to be as suave as he pretends to be. He has started letting his well-put mask down, showing some of his true self to Hyunjin; his kind behaviour, his worries, his problems.

This accomplishment feels almost as sweet as being done with his exams. Hyunjin smiles as he locks the seatbelt on.

Their trip to the restaurant goes by quickly as Hyunjin tries to play the most obnoxious music he can find. After a while, however, they both end up singing along to some old trot song, enjoying it a bit too much even if they claim that the consumption is ironic.

‘’Wow, it seems like someone decided to go out in a costume today,’’ A guy comments as they get out of the car. Hyunjin just rolls his eyes, used to how people can act around the outfits he wears. By now, he knows that there is no point in arguing, so he decides to pretend he didn’t hear it.

The off-handed comment, however, seems to push a particular nerve inside of Minho.

‘’For your information, this is how we dress daily,’’ Minho spits without looking at the guy.

‘’Oh, so you are always on a costume?’’ The man jokes.

The punchline is lost on Minho. His hands start trembling with fury, no longer avoiding eye contact, getting closer to the stranger by the second.

‘’You are in a costume as well! You- you are wearing the ‘I am a middle-aged man that hates his life’ costume.’’ Messy, his words seem to need some thought before he can put them together. With furrowed brows, he looks exasperated, as if he understood something no one else did.

‘’What? These are the clothes I always use. This is who I am, boy,’’ The man answers, confused and wanting to leave this conversation even more eagerly than Hyunjin.

‘’Well, aren’t we all just a combination of the masks we wear?’’ Minho wonders, more to himself than anyone else. This time the words come out with confidence.

Hyunjin half-hugs Minho to get him off the way. There is no point in continuing to discuss this, the man will either complain about them or just punch Minho in the face. Neither outcome sounds pleasant. 

They walk fast into the restaurant, not looking back. Just before going in, they start giggling. The giggles become shrieks of laughter, bending them over and making tears roll down as they keep on laughing.

‘’Where did that come from?’’ Hyunjin asks once they have slightly calmed down.

‘’It just really pissed me off that he thought he could just comment on our appearances like nothing. I can’t believe women and have to go through this daily,’’ Minho answers as he shakes his head.

‘’Yeah but...the thing about the masks and that. I’ve never heard you say that before.’’

‘’It is a bit out of character, isn’t it?’’ Minho laughs. ‘’Felix lent me a book about the presentation of self in real life...I think it really helped me understand a lot about myself,’’ he explains, looking at his shoes.

‘’About why you are so weird all the time?’’ Hyunjin teases.

‘’I know that you are trying to make a joke but yeah...it helped me understand how what we are isn’t just one fixed, impossible to change thing. We fulfill several roles everyday, thing is that people tend to expect some sort of concordance between facade and the personal appearances-I don’t know, it just made me feel...kind of in peace with myself?’’

‘’I swear that’s the most...clever thing you have ever said’’

‘’That’s what happens when you are a genius, Hyunjin, take a note.’’

‘’Hyunjin…’’ Minho starts saying after the evening is almost done. They have had a pleasant chat about their worries and Hyunjin’s future. Minho had promised to give him the book once he finished reading it.

‘’Yeah?’’ Hyunjin asks, his mouth stuffed with the last remaining of his meal.

‘’You...you know why we are here, don’t you?’’

Minho is not looking at him, just playing with his chopsticks, moving the black sauce from one side of his plate to the other.

Why are they there? Minho is taking the courage to say something.

~~Felix glitches and opens his mouth. There’s nothing coming out of it. Two moons but only one road. Two moons. One road.~~

~~Chan has a phone and there’s a room where they all can relax and Hyunjin knows this is all they know but…~~

‘’Minho, I have a poem with. Do you wanna hear it?’’ Hyunjin says with urgency, probably interrupting whatever it was that his friend was trying to say.

‘’Didn’t you listen to what I said?’’

‘’Please hear my poem, I think it is the perfect time for me to see it.’’ The urgency is burning from inside out. Hyunjin _has_ to say it.

‘’Ugh. I don’t really like poetry,’’ Minho complains, crossing his arms and laying back on his chair.

‘’You love theater, tho.’’

‘’Just the interesting ones. People reciting poetry are always boring’’

‘’Maybe you just haven’t seen someone as pretty as me reciting it,’’ Hyunjin says, smirking when Minho has to look away, unable to keep the eye contact for any longer.

_Laugh on the rooftops, Seoul in autumn._

_A click on the shutter to prove us that, oh no_

_We haven’t yet found our way to blossom._

_But still, there is something in the way that you hold on_

_Blinking, our pupils capturing one photo_

_You and I, the only inhabitants of the microcosm._

The way in which the words leave Hyunjin’s mouth is almost mechanical. As if he wasn’t the creator of them. He shakes his head, thinking that this is the way geniuses must feel when something comes to his mind out of nowhere. There’s a reason why Hyunjin wants to be a literature professor.

Can thoughts be mimicked? There’s no way to fake a thought. This has to be him and his inspiration.

‘’Who did you write that for?’’ Minho asks, looking down and not playing with his chopsticks anymore.

‘’I-I wrote it for you, hyung. I like you.’’

‘’I think you are wrong. You didn’t write that for me,’’ Minho says with a small, full of something smile.

‘’But then who…?’’

‘’You will have to find out that on your own, Jinnie- Come on, it’s getting late, let me drive you back home.’’

Why has Minho’s attitude changed so much? He is clearly into Hyunjin, why is he denying what they both know to be true? In any case it is not possible for him to change Minho’s mind right now.

‘’Wait, there’s one more thing I want to show you!’’ Hyunjin intervenes as he grabs Minho by his wrist.

Hyunjin takes the orb out of his pocket. As if it was a breathing, living thing, in contracts and expands.

‘’Hyunjin, I think I know who you wrote the poem for,’’ Minho says, looking wide-eyed at the rounded object in Hyunjin’s hands. He is trembling just like he had before when talking to the man harassing them.

‘’I already told you it is for you! Are you rejecting me?’’

‘’No, Jinnie. You wrote that for [REDACTED]’’

‘’For whom?!’’

Is the space between them growing only metaphorically? There is no way for the floor of the restaurant to be stretching. But then, why is Minho suddenly so far away from him, so unreachable? Why is his voice echoing like the distant moments of a conversation that never really took place?

It’s not that it didn’t take place. It just wasn’t supposed to happen.

‘’Go find [REDACTED], Jinnie. He needs to know that you love him.

Hyunjin blinks and finds himself in the middle of a party.

[Go to chapter 8] To be continued.


	5. Chapter 5

Seungmin is always running out of time, going from one place to the next and sleeping a surely unhealthy amount of time. Hyunjin feels amazed at how he manages to juggle all of these aspects into just one life. President of the class, part of the baseball club, main baritone in the choir, part-time photographer and still he finds the time to hang with...well, Hyunjin. Just normal, everyday Hyunjin.

But to Seungmin, it was as if he had something inside that Hyunjin himself was unable to see. He can only hope that it is something good.

Red and orange and yellow and everything in between reflects on the lens of Seungmin’s camera, Hyunjin can see it when the sun isn’t directed into his eyes. He wasn’t mistaken when he said that today would be the best time to take photos outside, it probably wouldn't get this nice for a while.

The clear waters of Seoul Grand Park mirror the blue, clear sky that has decided to give them a day off, no rain to be seen and the bearable and pleasant kind of cold.

People walking in the park turn around to take a second look. It is normal, it happens everytime Seungmin decides to make an impromptu photoshoot in a place full of passersby. However normal it might be for them, Hyunjin still can’t get used to the amount of attention that it brings to him.

He lets a whine escape out of him as he awkwardly poses in front of the withering roses that the park flaunts. ‘’Seungmin, you never tell me what to do. At least give me some instructions so I can understand what the fuck I am doing,’’ Hyunjin complains as he changes his hands from one place to the next, not sure about what he should do with them.

Professional as always, Seungmin crouches and changes the angles. From time to time he looks down to the screen of his camera and changes the settings. Something else happens from time to time: His eyes change, widen in an almost comically but endearing way.

‘’Wow, the view must be really nice if you are enjoying it so much,’’ Hyunjin laughs, endeared by his friend’s display of delight. 

As crimson blooms on Seungmin’s cheeks, half hidden behind the camera, Hyunjin can’t help what wonder if it is the magnificence of the park what’s making Seungmin hold his breath.

‘’Let’s go take a break. I’m feeling really tired.’’

‘’Felix said something really weird yesterday,’’ Hyunjin comments as he gets rid of the remains of the crumbles on his hand. Seungmin’s packed lunch was nothing short of spectacular. How can one person be so talented?

‘’What was it?’’

‘’Something that...I don’t know, it made me feel like he wanted to suggest that I'm living in a simulation or something of the sort.’’

‘’Well…’’ Seungmin waits a second before he keeps on talking. To Hyunjin, it looks as if he had been turned off for a second. ‘’ are you familiar with that theory?’’

‘’No. Are you?’’

‘’Yes. It’s basically something like the following: if we ever reach a posthuman civilization, these people will have mad computer technology, right?’’ Hyunjin nods. ‘’So, based on that there are three possible paths: One, Human race goes extinct before reaching this posthuman civilization; two, we reach this civilization but they don’t run simulations on their evolutionary history, meaning us; three, we are in fact already living in a computer simulation.’’

‘’I have no idea how you can reach the third conclusion.’’

‘’Let me finish. Gosh, you are so impatient,’’ Seungmi sighs, changing the position of his legs. ‘’Basically, it is very likely that someone will want to run simulations in the future, and if that is the case then we are living in a simulation already.’’

‘’But why?’’

Seungmin takes his camera out once again and starts passing through the pictures very quickly, one after the other.

‘’Because the chances are really high. If we think that our descendants will run simulations of the world then what’s the chance of living in the actual world? We would have millions of simulations and only one real world. The chance would be one in a million, which would make the chances of being the ones in the simulation high...I can’t believe I ended up ranting about this. This is not why I asked you to come here. Thing is-’’

~~Felix glitches and opens his mouth. There’s nothing coming out of it. Two moons but only one road. Two moons. One road.~~

~~Chan has a phone and there’s a room where they all can relax and Hyunjin knows this is all they know but…~~

‘’Seungmin!’’ Hyunjin cuts in whatever his friend was trying to explain. ‘’I think I just made up a poem.’’

His own breath is hitching. No, no, he’s fine. He’s happy. This is the route of how things are supposed to go.

‘’I start saying something like this and you decide you are not going to pay me any attention,’’ Seungmin stops the motion of his thumb on the camera button. He has no photos left to see.

‘’I suddenly got inspired. You inspired me, Seungmin,’’ Hyunjin says, smiling and looking almost ashamed. Why does he feel like none of this is genuine? It is as if he was gradually losing grasp on what he thinks and what he says and what he feels. Is this himself trying to force some romance where there really is none?

‘’Okay, say it,’’ Seungmin says, looking at Hyunjin in the eyes as he waits to hear it.

‘’ _Laugh on the rooftops, Seoul in autumn._

_A click on the shutter to prove us that, oh no_

_We haven’t yet found our way to blossom._

_But still, there is something in the way that you hold on_

_Blinking, our pupils capturing one photo_

_You and I, the only inhabitants of the microcosm.’’_

The way in which the words leave Hyunjin’s mouth is almost mechanical. As if he wasn’t the creator of them. He shakes his head, thinking that this is the way geniuses must feel when something comes to his mind out of nowhere. There’s a reason why Hyunjin wants to be a literature professor.

Can thoughts be mimicked? There’s no way to fake a thought. This has to be him and his inspiration.

‘’Well, that was…’’ Seungmin tries to say, no longer looking at his friend’s eyes, deciding instead to go back to see the photos a second time. Before he can say anything else, he gets interrupted for the second time of the evening.

‘’It is about you, Seungmin!’’ Hyunjin babbles, trembling and trying to make things go back to normal.

‘’Are you sure-?’’ 

Seungmin is frowning and he doesn’t raise his eyes.

‘’Of course I’m sure! The photograph, the rooftop from yesterday. Of course it is about you, who else could it be about?’’

‘’Maybe it is just about you...or…’’

‘’Are you rejecting me, Seungmin?!’’

‘’Hyunjin, I think we both know what it is that I feel. Don’t act immature.’’

‘’Why are you saying that?’’

‘’Isn’t it time for you to take charge of your life and your decisions?’’

‘’Why are you even talking about?’’

‘’Why would you come and recite a poem you know perfectly well you wrote for [REDACTED]?’’ Seungmin says through gritted teeth as he stops on a particular photograph.

‘’Sorry, I didn’t get that.’’

‘’This is about [REDACTED], not about me.’’

The light ball on Hyunjin’s pocket starts to make itself palpable once again. As if it was a breathing, living thing, in contracts and expands.

‘’Seungmin!’’

‘’Jinnie, it’s okay, I get it. I just need some time to get over this.’’

‘’But I have no idea what are you talking about!’’

Is the space between them only metaphoric? There is no way for the bench to be stretching. But then, why is Seungmin suddenly so far away from him, so unreachable? Why is his voice echoing like the distant moments of a conversation that never really took place?

It’s not that it didn’t take place. It just wasn’t supposed to happen.

‘’Go with him and tell him that the poem is for him.’’

Hyunjin blinks and finds himself in the middle of a party.

[Go to chapter 8] To be continued.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and Comments are really appreciated!! Go follow me on twitter [here](https://twitter.com/satoflove?s=09)


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